Kevin Langdon


If you think that death's a joke
You'll be sorry when you croak.
Go to hell and stay there, too;
The Devil's got plans for people like you.

It's too late to impeach Earl Warren.
It's too late on account of he's dead.
It's too late to impeach Earl Warren,
So let's piss on his tombstone instead.

Roses are blue.
Violets are green.
I'm color-blind,
If you know what I mean.

Life Is Like Bridge

Life is like bridge
And you're always the dummy.
Don't you wish life
Were more like gin rummy?

Because I Told You Not To
(a "pyramid poem")

O no!
You have eaten fruits unknown,
Strictly forbidden,
Absolutely interdicted.
Forever-exiled peregrinations.

I am sometimes full of poop,
Remains of ham and chicken soup.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
When I was full of shit I shat.

Humans live in foolish dreams,
Pretend to row down mythic streams.
When I see you've bought this lie,
I kindly poke you in the "I."

Early to bed and early to rise
Makes a man narrow; try that on for size.

There's also some strategy; using your head,
Observe you grow sluggish with time out of bed.

(That's once you've had coffee and been to the john.
Your engine is started. The cobwebs are gone.)

So if you get up early and I get up late
When we meet I may be in a much better state.

Stir Poem

Prime sot,
Most ripe--
So trip me.

Ode to a Psychiatrist

Life is ugly? Never mind.
Just take these pills and you'll go blind.

You say, "It isn't working, doc"?
We'll just give you a little shock.

And if that doesn't make you sane
We'll just chop off part of your brain.

Whose woods these are I think I know
For here the rangers run the show.
Or so they'd like to think, because
The scepter's held by other paws.

The noble lion's mightly roar
Terrifies the elk and boar--
But here this writer, for one, reflects,
What kind of king eats his subjects?

The lion's big and fierce and tough;
He's proud and regal, takes no guff.
He lords it over birds and bugs,
But he's no king; he's just a thug!

There is another animal
Who's strong and tough but he's a pal
To the deer, the fox, the hare.
The king of beasts: he is the bear.

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Jingo all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride
While others have to walk.

Evil Bunnies

Evil bunnies tell a lie;
Easter eggs aren't laid by them.
Captive chickens force-fed dye--
That's their clever stratagem.

The Christian God

The Christian God is full of love.
He reigns in heaven up above.
If you're not full of love as well
Then you, my friend, can go to hell.

Plague of Allegiance

I pledge allegiance to the flag
(Cause other countries are a drag)
Of the United States of America,
Which is on the verge of hysteria,
And to the republic for which it stands
(Like fireworks and marching bands),
One nation, under God
(It isn't the other way round, you clod!),
(Prime, unfissible),
With liberty and justice for all
Robber barons and swindlers--what gall!


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